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"Not Easy"

Venice, 1958 by Gianni Berengo Gardin


Not Easy:

(If I titled this poem the name of your band it would be too obvious)

I want you to be

loved. I want you

to be loved

the way you loved

me. Loved like

I love you now

but I can’t tell you and it can’t be


The one and only one who--well I just I don’t think you’d be very--well, there’s just no calling anymore to say hello, let alone... These days my voice would be a stone on your boat. So the phone,

I put it down. Loving you now can’t make a sound.

(Barely a poem.)

Loving you now: I can’t even remember what I said the last I saw you,

I don’t even remember

how we said goodbye.

The last you

I remember

I saw through

a window.

I was outside

beaming proud I was

that they’d come

my friends

all the way to Jersey

just to say goodbye to me. Send me off. Bon

Voyage. Hip hip hooray

My going away party.

They there

meant so much more

because no one ever came

west from the big city.

More than

you always came

every time and every distance always

just because

I remember us

two at the four-top.

Our first date.

I was seventeen